in my tenure of more than six months working as a fresh graduate junior executive, I have learned more than I'd expected to learn from working for an association that lacked a specific management structure and had a questionable constitution. I have cried more than I'd thought I'd cry from having dealt (and still having to deal) with unjust humiliation, unjustified stress load and the constant reminder of mistakes made. but most importantly, I have observed more than I'd thought I'd observe from less-than-significant businessmen who thrive from their position power and how they trick themselves into believing that they are a lot more influential and smart than they really are.
it probably comes with being a Psychology graduate, that I am so interested in understanding how some people are the way they are. I observe the way they view their environment, the way they treat lower-level staff and higher-level VIPs and how large the gap between the both is, how they react in times of pressure, how they react to their own mistakes and the way they displace their anger, the words they use to justify situations it's like the list of observations don't end.
there is also so much that you can judge just from how one looks and the first impression they give of.
how they dress, how they present themselves, their level of fitness, how they communicate with first-time business partners, how they communicate with long time business partners, what situations they make a joke out of.
I want to take note of a specific moment today in a meeting where a long-time affiliate partner was called in for what was supposed to be a business discussion. take note that he was made to wait for about an hour before being called in and the original proposal was to discuss the possibilities of securing a deal with lower cost expenditure from our side.
I have worked with this affiliate partner several times - from a professional standpoint and as a personal preference, I enjoy working with individuals who are respectful of others and can handle adverse situations well. he was one of those individuals.
in this particular meeting, I observed a large amount of unscrupulous treatment as several low-level staff like myself saw how he was ridiculed and treated unethically by someone who had been in the association for a much shorter time than he had. right before his unfair treatment, I was ridiculed as well by the same person as he mentioned my name shamelessly countless times in the efforts of trying to shame me.
of course, all my crying aside from previous nasty encounters, I've developed quite a level of thick skin. I couldn't be bothered. I didn't look at him nor did I react. I'd been made numb to his petty enjoyment of blaming all he can on a junior executive like myself.
amidst his wasting of our time, he went on a barrage of talking about things that don't concern the meeting's agenda. as in previous and other meetings, he'd usually stir off into talking about how much time he devotes to his position, how much of it he was doing as a charitable favour to the association, how close to nothing he makes from chairing different events and how everything in the world is wrong and so should be made right, except himself.
'I don't want there to be any finger pointing,'
he said as he forgets the countless times he has pointed his finger not just at me, but to many of my other extremely hardworking colleagues for things within our control.
'I want to have a clear conscience when I leave this position,'
he said as I remembered the countless times I have questioned how people like him sleep at night.
my ridiculing aside, at least it is justifiable - as he reminds it to us over and over, 'the Executive Council is the Executive Council, the staff are just staff and you do as you are paid'. what I probably couldn't accept is the fact that he was speaking in such a disrespectful manner to someone who's been involved with the association for much longer than he has.
in between instances of keeping my gaze empty, I watched the one-sided argument go down. I looked at my affiliate partner a few times and as he noticed me observing, he gave me a well-meaning eyebrow raise quickly, almost as if he was totally unaffected by the harsh treatment he was receiving.
as the meeting then ended later on, I'd went back to my desk and he walked around our office floor for a bit before heading off. I proceeded to ask him if he was okay, to which he said he was perfectly fine. and then he goes on to say:
"if you are fifty and you do things out of charitable favor, you would be at peace. the true act of charity would involve the sentiment of God and doing it all in favor of Him.
I saw you, JuYi. I saw you observing.
you're a smart girl. don't forget that."
sometimes it's not the act of being appreciated that makes a job more fulfilling than it should be. more often than not, I have learnt that it's moreso the idea that you are understood by someone else and the acknowledgement of your state of being human. it is also more gratifying when you come across individuals whose comprehension of situations defy its circumstances.
.... who am I kidding,
I'm just thriving on the fact that he said I was a smart girl.
I'm just thriving on the fact that he said I was a smart girl.
but really,
not just within a job - in life, there is perhaps nothing greater than being understood by someone else. that even with all your complicated wirings and unexplainable flaws, you are lucky enough to meet someone who somehow manages to understand you almost completely. and maybe it comes with being someone who has a very holistic way of understanding the world despite all the shortcomings headed their way.
so when you meet these kind of people,
wouldn't you want to take note of them?
