because i'll try to make this my last.

though my happiness level this very moment is about a 10/100,
when i reflect back at everything that has graciously happened to me, and the things that i worked for to happen in this year od 2009, it reminds me of the many things i've accomplished.



i think, throughout these 365 days, everyday there is something for me to learn. no day was unmemorable to me. though there are days in which i wished would just be zapped out of my memory so it won't leave behind effusively estranged and painfully bitter moments that i would occasionally time travel to on random days. forgive definitely, but no one ever really forgets.


but thats why rainy days never leave our memory.


they are there to remind us of how much crap we've put up with. and if another one comes in the way, we'd just give it the finger and move on from it.


this year, i have realized more of the type of person that i would eventually grow into in years down the road. for example, i realized i'm the type who finds emotional pain much harder to handle with than physical. yes, my emotional tolerance level is about a -10.



i will forever be someone who overthinks everything.
i just got off the phone with BoonAun about it; my knack of over-analyzing everything except Math, well cooked spaghetti, and comfortable sneakers is a good and bad thing at the same time. almost everything is a good and bad thing at the same time so hence, many things in life are neutral.


i love anything that has sentimental value and i am starting to give my loved ones/favourite things sentimental value. for example, i keep new clothes in my cupboard for a minimum of one week and maximum of years before i actually wear them. i buy secondhand items.



anythng vintage has started to get into my blood as well. all things mahagony, laced, frames, rich hues of brown, chignons, ribbons and pearls, big rings, iced cupcakes and china.




i am most likely, and most definitely venturing into journalism as my career. if not, something that i am genuinely very very interested in because i don't care about how much it'll give to me, i care about how much i'd give to it, so as to make my future job something that i would love for a long time.


though i said i'd give the finger to a bloody problem that i have similarly faced before, i will still always be someone who is difficult. by difficult, i mean someone who is very doubtful, even if its towards the person she cares for the most. being an extremely picky eater and shopper. being a person in which, it takes an immense load of effort to get me up when i fall down.


i've also, finally came to senses,
that i am worth enough to choose my own friends.
unquestionably, i have casted out certain people from my life. because i've finally realized that i don't have to stick around people who would only bring about negativity and pull me down. thats right. I DON'T NEED CHUUU. i am good on my own, thank you very much. i take a curtsy and bow.

as for tomorrow,
and the next 365 days,
i am setting many goals for myself.

i really want to be less of me, and yet be more of me. i'll be eighteen next year. driving, attending college, working. hopefully a year wiser, and not a year more senile. i'm going to pursue, i'm going to run and i'm going to fly.

watch me.

Orange Sky- Alexi Murdoch

lyrics used to be posted up on lyricalsteps on a frequency of once a fortnight. because that is how important music is to me. they are my mediums of connection between someone else out there who is feeling the exact same thing that i am feeling. when i'm down, it makes me one percent less lonely and when i'm up and about, it makes me one percent higher.


i recently heard this song on the radio.
lets be honest, mainstream music is not as good as it was before.
sex, drugs, money, naked women.


so yes, this song.
it once meant nothing to me.
but now it means everything to me.


i am mixing the lyrics of Avalanche by Marie Digby with a little bit of something that i wrote yesterday on the bed, as i was tearing away. they don't chime together like PB and J but it is the first thing that i have composed officially. ( officially = complete with melody, tune, lyrics )



you got me standing at the bottom of this fountain that we made
and the ground is shaking from all of our mistakes
there's no one, but the ice is on its way
it's a matter of time
can we rewind?


if you only knew
what my heart goes through for you
i'm tryin to break through
do you think it's worth the chance?
hold on to this path
is it too much to ask?
so where do we stand?
can we pull through this avalanche?


i wanna throw away this feeling
i wanna let go of this pain from the past
coz i am better off without these tears
so maybe i'll sleep
so maybe i'll sleep


Avalanche- Marie Digby

because i am overwhelmed by these things.

mom recently brought back these boxes of delish cupcakes.
she rarely buys em.
but i totally dig em.
its adorable shape, thickly creamed, sweeter than sin :)



spent a marvelous time at PD with the best people i've ever known
often i feel that photos of skies and landscapes don't do justice to its actual portrait. though each day of the three day two night stay had a different weather, i loved every.single.bit.of.it.
beach volleyball in the rain FTW!



today i surprised someone.
today, someone surprised me.
i feel somewhat nostalgic and very much juxtaposed. because i know that the effort put into making a surprise is worth it when it is for someone special.

i'm glad i made you feel special
and i'm glad that i am special to you as well :)

Comfortable- John Mayer

because this chapter is coming to an end.

hello lovelies,
how are you?


for those who thought that i've died,
don't worry.
i'm very much breathing, alive and still eating ;)


as many can see and have known,
i've been having some lovely entertainment on the left side of my blog :)
can't really update much now, since i don't want to be unrighteously scrutinized for nothing. and also because i've been happily bonding with Facebook. *grins*


but what i know is that lyricalsteps is going to come to an end very soon.


i've had a good 3 years + friendship with this beloved e-journal of mine. and i think its time for me to move on and try something new *wipes dripping mascara*
i might be moving on to tumblr next, plus an actual journal for me to write more personal thoughts and things.


hopefully i update after Port Dickson! :D
happy holidays, all!

You and The Conversation

Yellow- Vitamin String Quartet

because we rejoice.

thou shall stop using plastic bottles because they are made of polyethene!
they can KEEL YOUUUH

on a rather related note,

happy merdeka fellow friends :D

Part Of The List- NeYo

TIME
TO KILL THE CHEMISTRY BABYY

because its difficult.

is it just me,
or do people who get older just get crankier?
and i'm talking in terms of hours, not years

i've never ever been the type who doesn't care.
never.


and i never find it easy to ignore rude remarks, kurang ajar tones and blatantly stupid behaviour. even when it doesn't involve myself. call me penyibuk if you may, but it really does tick me off to quite a high level. so, the thing is, i don't know if i should learn to ignore and let wrong situations be wrong, or harden my head even more to fight against something that i believe is not right and not supposed to go on.


if i learn to ignore,
that only makes me like everyone else.
not willing to bring about change, just following the flow of normality.


if i decide to harden my head,
it goes against my other principle,
which is to always respect people who are years ahead of me.


that brings me to another question.
where do you draw the line between just lowering your head and accepting people for just how they are, and bravering yourself to voice your opinion towards someone whose beliefs you don't agree with?
























on a separate note,
i need to do more Chemistry exercises.
i am simply getting too cocky.

happy birthday LeeMeiYing and TangSiuWern!
i love both of you so the very the much :D

Use Somebody- Paramore