because I struggle too.

I think we all know about the stigmas that surround working life. That horrible bosses are everywhere, people are overworked and underpaid, there is no such thing as a fixed hour shift, your efforts go unappreciated (or better yet, scrutinized), you get blamed for things that are not even your fault to begin with, management is fucked upside down, higher ups abuse their power, you work way more than what your original job description states, and the list goes on.


I'm no stranger to all these stigmas. everyone who is already working tells you that all this is normal, and that is a part of entering the adult world. In the same way one prepares for a half marathon, I tried prepping myself mentally to face the possibility of half of these stigmas happening before I applied for the job. You think of the pain you will have to endure, and then you think of all the positive motivation you will tell yourself along the way when things get difficult.

don't give up.

can't give up.
the race goes on.

because what are the odds that your job will throw you ALL these stigmas at one go, right?


exactly.
what are the odds.

there is no point in me talking about the horrible things that go on in my workplace. like how everyone says, it's normal. it happens. deal with it. grow up. plus I don't plan to make a comparison or set some sort of bar for the 'My Job Is Worse Than Yours' topic. not that there should be a comparison between who has the more shitty job anyway.


in the same way I don't believe there should be a comparison between who's had a more difficult time growing up or who has the worst parents. in the same way we've all gone through tough times with our mother and/or father, we even out the playing field. they even out the playing field.


that because, the very reason we even exist is because of them, that they have the right to be obeyed even when the instruction seems overbearing, to be respected even when they disrespect you, and to be understood without questions asked even when they don't make an effort to understand you.


oh that's how parents are.
it's normal.
it happens.
deal with it.
grow up.


as I continue growing up and adjusting into this weird adult world, I find myself questioning: to what extent do we still let our parents have a significant influence in our decisions and thought process? at what age should it stop? can we really separate ourselves from the person that our parents subconsciously want us to be? and if we can, to what point do we consider those actions rebellious or self-indulgent? is there such this as owing our parents the deed of life?


I have come to know of so many people, both new friends and old friends alike, who have given up their dreams, made decisions that went against their will, and chosen paths they did not want to choose just to make their parents happy. I see their lives completely altered from that single option they didn't even want to consider but took anyway because their parents told them to do so.


some ponder back and remember it as a mistake they wish they never made. some accept it, move on, and look for alternative happiness in that new path and new dream that was not even theirs to begin with.


I remember a certain time not too long ago when I'd gotten into a heated argument with my mother. and out of extreme disrespect, I told her that if I had to subject myself to so much of bullshit, I'd rather have not been born. because what is the point of living when I constantly have to adhere to unwritten restrictions and unmentioned plans that I don't agree with?


I know we live in a truly horrible world where wars are still happening. where people don't have a house to live in or enough food to eat. where lives can appear to be as miniscule as the nuclear waste of the bombs that kill them.


but that does not discount the everyday struggles that the average youth in our generation today face when it comes to dealing with our parents who don't agree. because when we are conflicted with the idea of breaking our parents' hearts and dreams for us, we are left with the utilitarian decision of breaking ours. and if they equivalently want us to sacrifice our dreams just so we can fulfill theirs, how is that different from murder?


and isn't that one of our generation's biggest dilemmas of all - the mental struggle? we have to think on behalf of more people now, take into consideration a lot more persons' feelings, think about our future, think about money, think about getting a house, about buying insurance, about paying back our education loan... where does the 'what do I want' fit in? or is that no longer relevant in our growingly hectic mindplace?


I think what is most terrifying is how we are going to treat our future children in the upcoming generation. will we give them that weight of similar responsibility in fulfilling the hopes and dreams that we will have manifested for them? how are we going to allow for our future children to mould themselves when we ourselves have been forced into a mold? can we live with the idea of granting our future children the happiness they want without demonstrating some sort of bitterness?


workplace and home alike, I continuously question my environment and the people who are in it as they continuously challenge my patience and strength. I have cried and struggled enough and sure I might cry again sometime in the near future, but I know that these things will build me up stronger the next time I fall down. and I have to trust my journey because it is my own, no one elses.


Wild - Royal Teeth