because i'm thankful.

  

unless you follow/lifelessly stalk oh come on; you know you're part of he latter my Twitter and/or Tumblr, you wouldn't have seen these unshameful self shots of yours truly. then again, i realize that this dusty ol' blog of mine has been lacking colour and imagery and more so filled with ramblings and texts and things that happen to be in my mind at 2a.m., like this very instant. so hey hey, how bout some pictures of me in sarees for a change?

as of right now, it's some minutes past noon in the U.S and it's Thanksgiving today! 

k not like any of us here celebrates & the first thing that comes to my mind when i mention Thanksgiving is Joey wearing his loose trousers and Monica dancing with the turkey on her head BUT STILL

I figured that I'd write out several things that I'm thankful and grateful for, just because. I mean, nothing is better than forgetting about your daily pains and burdens and counting your blessings, ay?

JuYi's Reasons To Be Thankful, November 2011

#1 that Sri Rampai has a pasar malam.
people who are not pasar malam-goers do not understand the gravity of importance of this once-a-week procession that causes the most annoying jams and leaves the roads piled in heaps of rubbish. it's somewhat like a tradition, you know? the pasar malam in my area has been a part of me and most of my friends' lives since I was 11 and from that, most of the Thursdays of my life have etched memories in them. memories of which i can still recall and treasure dearly.

so yes.
i'm thankful that I got to go to pasar malam again today after its long-dreaded absence for about two months. i'm happy that I got to eat Uncle Bob's fried chicken, a slice of chocolate cake, an apam balik, a honey-glazed mayonnaise sausage and the best strawberry and green apple flavoured popcorn I'd ever tried.


#2 friends who are still around.
of course, I can't go to pasar malam alone well actually I can without sharing them food with someone, can I? to sum it up, i'm just thankful that I have a great set of friends who are thankfully, still my friends after all these years of intertwined miscommunications and vendettas that could've ripped us apart.


#3 friends like Nicole!
Nicole Ann Lim Jin-Ni is one of the greatest people I'd had the pleasure to know and I love her. cheese alert: it gives me honour to call her one of my best friends. i tend to feel like i take her for granted because she always gives her work 300% while i struggle to fork out an 80%. i'm just glad that we were both partners for one of our assignments and we managed to complete it a day before the due date and without any form of conflict.


#4 friends who are getting better.
for the two Ms in my life;
i know you both are still struggling to wake up to this new fact that you have to tell yourself every day. perhaps i don't know what it feels like. but i want you to know that it gets better and it really will be, okay. trust me. just keep fighting the currents of negativity and push yourself over the water surface. the tides will reside. trust me.


#5 opportunities.
lately, I'd been called to replace a few of my friends as dance instructors at their designated dance classes. I never saw myself as good in the first place so the fact that I am trusted with such responsibility even if it is just teaching a bunch of hyperactive kids just... GAH, I JUST FEEL SO NAISE <3 of course, no one's forgetting the pay that i get as well.


#6 happy days.
they say the strongest people fall the hardest.


i'd been heavily down in the past weeks for human reasons that most humans wouldn't understand anyway. i was facing a lot of emotional turmoils that really wore me out and took a toll on my daily responsibilities. then one day, I woke up with a resurgence of energy and spirit. I just felt... free again. renewed, refreshed and rebound. and in my head, the words panned out like the entree to a black and white movie;

you are greater.

He is greater. 

we all have moments when we feel that life is simply not worth living; that all the pain and complications it brings is just not worth the effort and time. i know i did. and i know that is of utmost difficulty to pick yourself up off the ground, with or without a helping hand. it's shit hard. but once you see past your mountains of troubles, you'll see that light. and that light will guide you. and you will be greater than you ever thought you were capable of being.

forget seizing the day.

seize eternity.

Hysterics- Yeah Yeah Yeahs 

one of my sister's friends is sitting on the couch of my living room and from what my sister has told me, she's been crying about her ex who broke up with her five months ago.


right now, all i'm hearing is;


'but he is the best for me',
'i don't know what to do already',
'i don't think i can find anyone else' and it goes on and on and on....


what i really want to do, other than creep up to my bedroom to watch The Tracey Fragments, is to slap her so hard.

ughh, wake up, you beautiful human being! 

your beauty on the inside reflects your beauty on the outside and that is RARE today, okay? if a guy decides to give up on your relationship because of the petty reason that your parents don't approve of him, then he would NOT stay for when bigger tides sweep in. and if his feelings for you can fade away from giving up on your relationship for a reason like that, then that is NOT called love.

in fact, love? what is that, really?  

Chinese- Lily Allen

because we're all Jennifers.

i think everyone's pretty accustomed with my never-ending ramblings of how i'm never happy with the way I am. yes, i'm one of those girls who complains about having big hips, and yet, stuffs fried chicken into her face while complaining about it. i don't see myself the way others see me, i just see a really distorted image in the mirror and sometimes, i wish i had been born as Melanie Iglesias instead. actually no, i'd rather be Minka Kelly.

oh lovely lovely Minka.....

well MY POINT IS,

i think it's very hard to tolerate people like me. yes, i am in self-criticizing mode. but seriously, i am. with what is said about me, i know that i'm very lucky to be blessed with height, good hair and an alright face. but thing is, i always feel more like Courtney Cox than Jennifer Aniston most of the time. it's because I know that I have friends who will always be more attractive, more beautiful, more funny and more outstanding to me. so i end up feeling very... in-the-background. no, it won't take a total toll on my self-esteem but it does make me feel like i'm just not good enough. 

then again, i know people who feel more like Courtney Cox and look at me like i'm Jennifer Aniston very inaccurate comparison, i know. shameless self-appraisal alert: i know that i have friends who see me as the friend who always out stands everybody else, the friend who gets the most attention in the group and perhaps, the more attractive friend in the bunch. the smart friend, the funny friend... 

PLEASE note that this is not what I think of myself ah.

i'm just putting down random mentionings into black and white. 

if you think otherwise, don't hesitate to trash me. se-to the-rious.

hell i'm not even that funny to begin with. lets not even go into the IQ dept 

and then i too, know how it takes a toll on their self-esteem. you think i don't know? i know how it makes you feel. because believe it or not, I feel it too. you know why? coz every Jennifer Aniston always has an Angelina Jolie around. 

no matter how unhappy we are when we compare ourselves with people we know, we need to remember that they don't always feel like they're the best in the league. there's always going to be someone better looking, someone who's got cooler and funnier stories, some MENSA kid waiting to prove that your friend's perhaps not that smart after all; there's always gonna be an Angelina Jolie who will make Jennifer Aniston feel like her blue-jewel eyes and bronze-and-toned body is nothing compared to the ethereal beauty of the woman who stole her husband. 

sorry ah, I GO DOWN WITH TEAM ANISTON FOREVAHHH~

so maybe we just need to... i don't know, accept ourselves more.

because there's no one else who's going to be our versions of us anyway. 

Paradise- Coldplay

remember that time when I was so sure that I would be doing journalism as my career?