because i've made it to the big number.

yes, this is my 1000th post!!!!!!! *cue fireworks and gunshots in the air*


upon more than eight years of blogging loyally on this website, i have reached the big quadruple number, with the name in which i have chosen to stick with. lyricalsteps. because i believe my walk in life is one that involves a plethora of emotions and meaning, and that has not changed since the first day when i was twelve and bored and thinking of a suitable name to headline my blogging platform that i didn't think i would be continuing 7-8 years down the road. if anything, i believe my sense of emotionality has only increased as i grew older. because the other big number that i have hit is [the key of entering adulthood's]..............

21!!!!!! *yet cue more fireworks and gunshots*



today marks the final celebration of turning 21 for me as i just came home an hour ago from dinner with a small bunch of loved ones. despite having earlier planned something much bigger, i think the initial plan made me more anxious than excited because i was very worried of how everything would turn out. at the end of the day, quality overrides quantity and i was, simply put, very happy. i think one of the greatest joys in life, for me at least, is to be reciprocally loved by the ones you love. and it's an extra bonus if the other person loves you more than you do them. and there is nothing i wanted more than to be in the company of the people i adored, and hopefully or thankfully, reciprocate my adoration for them.


granted, i don't take all wishes into deep consideration because wishing on facebook is as easy as a simple click and some do it for the sake of just doing it. however, the messages received from some really good old (by old i mean like sudah lama hilang contact old) friends and just catching up by means of simple conversations means a great deal to me as well. i am thankful to be in the thoughts of many. definitely, it's something that i don't have enough grace to fully appreciate. therefore, i remain humbly thankful.


also one thing that i appreciate more than usual are letters with handwritten messages, and i received a few from a couple of close friends. i believe there are some things that are better written than said, thus my appreciation for the power of words and its strength versus that of verbal communication. to this, i am also humbly thankful. that people have words to write to me, words that leave me touched and softened.


the day before, which was the actual date of my birthday, was moreso hectic with plans and cakes from a lot of people. in the words of JiaLi, i am "damn lucky lorh". i also had dinner with my family + extended family + special guest appearance from the companion, and speaking of whom, was there for me throughout much of yesterday and today, physically mentally emotionally. for someone who doesn't believe in the idea of birthday celebrations, he definitely made it more special than i deemed it to be.


i am very thankful to have friends who are the greatest, most inspiring people, ones who have moulded me into becoming the many-layered person i am today. we are the people we surround ourselves with and very truthfully, i am surrounded by the most beautiful hearts and minds, ones whose beauty and complexity i cannot speak of but can only admire quietly. i am also very thankful to be loved so much more than a human being as selfish and occasionally conceited than i should deserve to be loved; to that one extra person who hears my cry, who supports my back when i fall hard and simultaneously always holding my hand, both metaphorically and literally. who manages to bring me to high clouds of joy and altogether keeping my two feet solidly planted on the ground. who always makes sure i am okay and constantly ensures that i am never alone in my many endeavors of life experiences. your love is patient, your love is kind, nor does it envy, boast or is it proud.



so yes, twenty one.
despite having one unfortunate tearful event earlier today, i don't doubt the significance of turning a year older and what it means for me. that's what life is supposed to be though. i don't think life is supposed to be all about happiness or finding happiness. i think life is about experiencing it all; the good, the bad, the very good, the very bad, the nothingness, the fullness. the entirety of being whole. and i am still, always, in the process of being a whole human being. i don't believe i have figured out the ways of how life should be lived and i don't want to ever come to a solid answer as to how the universe works. all in all, i love to live. and i am glad to be still living.


Wrecking Ball- Miley Cyrus

because i was within, and without.

two roads diverged in a yellow wood.
and sorry i could not travel both.


for i was not invited on these two paths, you see.
they were not mine to walk.
it did not have my name nor did it bear my carvings.
i was but a mere observer.


i could see four,
two in two,
arms linked around the other's;


engaging in talk and thought, so deep in their bridged worlds, they just walk down their paths. the two separate yellow brick roads. they walk and walk and walk and walk.... and their chatter grows into the distance as they continued on. diminished. silence. gone.


& there i stood.
at the front of the brick road.
forgotten, secluded, excluded.


the way you would separating a yolk from the egg. you are in actuality, a part of the total, but that's what you're being entitled to be; just a part of the total. nothing less, nothing more.


i was once more,
within, and without.


Creature Fear- Bon Iver

because there's nothing else to it.
you are my home.